But really, I was absolutely starting to get into this bitter place. Ungrateful. Cynical. Okay, VERY cynical. Hardened. It's not pretty. It's just truth.
I think it's an easy place to slip back into. And I absolutely did. When life gets difficult or confusing, sometimes I think my coping tool becomes "checking out." Merely existing. Perhaps you've found yourself in a similar spot. Like I said in my last entry-- just make it through the day.
I slowly stop hanging out with people who are positive influences. I find myself too busy to spend time in the Word. Going out becomes my life. Drinking too much. All in the name of fun. Is it worth it? Absolutely not and I know it. But it's what happens when I lose sight of who I am and the person God has called me to be.
Despite everything going on in my life, I did have an amazing weekend last week. I blogged Thursday night and I could hardly sleep after that. It rained that night. A lot. It felt like He was washing the past few months clean. It felt like God was downloading truths to my heart--something that hadn't happened in a while. I haven't been in a place where I've been open to hearing from Him. I cannot explain it, other than to say it was supernatural, but the next morning i awoke and felt different. Something had changed. Something had lifted. Grace had found me. I welcomed it.
The weekend continued and I was blown away with the people God put in my path to encourage me and connect with. I've said it before, but I just love and stand in awe of what God can do when we come to Him with our broken pieces and ask for Him to intervene. He can take a hardened heart and soften it like no other. All I have to do is surrender.
The cool thing to remember is this--Jesus likes messy people. People who don't have it all together. Imperfect people. He just wants us to keep our eyes on Him. Trust Him.
He can take a bitter heart and make it joyful.
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