When the Well is Dry...

Sometimes the words just won't come.  No matter how badly I've wished for words the past few months, they just haven't come.  Call it a funk.  Call it sadness.  It doesn't matter.  I've been in a crazy time of transition these past few months.  In--well, every area of life.  And I am absolutely exhausted.  It's funny, I've written a good bit about wanting to live an authentic life in this blog.  But when life came and knocked me off my feet a few months ago, I began to slip away.  I lost sight of me.  Forget living an authentic life.  Just make it through the day.  Sure, according to the blog, I was doing just fine early on.  I was hopeful.  I really was.  But as time went on, the hope became more and more distant.  Faith didn't come so easily.  Enter old behaviors.  You know the cycle.  

I've been so thirsty for fulfillment these past few months.  I've drank from the pools that don't satisfy.  Here's the thing: I know that i know a God who is abounding in grace and love.  He picks me up so quickly and forgives me so easily.  I'm the one who has a hard time running to Him.  I'm so afraid of disappointing Him.  What I'm trying to learn is that when i  feel like i have nothing, I must run to Him and give Him my nothing.  It's in my emptiness that He does the real work. When will I learn?  

Sometimes the harder thing to realize is that I need to extend grace to myself.  Forgive myself.  I've spent plenty of time beating myself up for things in the past that i cannot change.  So maybe just today, in the midst of all the craziness of this life, i will be more gentle with myself.  Just be.  Just let go.  Let go of the expectations i have for myself, yes, but also let go of the expectations others place on me.  

I feel broken but the hope is returning.  When the well runs dry, I will cling to this:

He will come to us like the rain.  Hosea 6:3.