I showed the tiniest bit of emotion about something he'd said that had hurt my feelings. He responded with: "Are all women like this?!" (Which ofcourse made me feel more hurt than i already felt.) Unbelievable. He repeated the question and then railed on with a ridiculous list of what he feels that all women want. He wasn't exactly known for his charm. I tried my best to shake it off, but one week later we were having a real conversation and i had shared a couple of serious things with him. We were talking over ice cream and he stopped me right after i finished telling my story. He looked up from his ice cream and said "Okay, well are you ready to go?" Umm, okay. So we walked to the car as he brought up an entirely different subject. Needless to say we broke up the following day. What an insensitive idiot. The first time i show any kind of vulnerability or evidence of imperfection--he shuts down.
So the message that i could have gleaned from that situation was: authenticity doesn't work. Being me doesn't work. Atleast not in relationships.
Notice that i said "could."
If i could revisit that conversation where the guy told me what "all women want" i would correct him instead of sitting there silent, in disbelief. I would tell him that women long to be known. We want to be seen. Chosen. Not forgotten. Validated. We actually aren't even looking for all that much, believe it or not. We're looking for a connection. It is intrinsic to our hearts...to our identities. We long to be accepted. For exactly who we are--flaws and all. Right now. Not who we will one day become.
I'm not perfect. I know, this is shocking news. And if you are looking for perfect, i am not your girl. If you're looking for Stepford--well I'm just not. But, my God, this world makes a girl feel like she's supposed to be. And that's OK. I'm just not buying what the world's selling anymore. I will take authenticity over perfection any day of the week.
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