Restless

I have a restless heart.  

Life sometimes becomes this mundane cycle.  Same old.  When this happens, i like to throw a bit of excitement into the mix.  This could explain why i've had  more than a few relationships.  Maybe why i've considered moving everywhere.  Anywhere.  My heart craves adventure.  Which is something i hadn't realized about myself until recently.  

A restless heart can get you into trouble.  It can make you make the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of decisions that you sometimes pay for later.  It can make you desire and somehow believe that you deserve fun.  It can make you believe that fun is what it's all about.  

Here's the thing.  Restlessness can be a motivator for change and that can certainly be a positive thing.  But for the restless heart--the heart that lacks peace--the easy thing to do is change.  Go!  Do!  Take steps!  It seems to me that the more difficult thing to do is stay where you are and trust.  Trust that this is exactly where I need to be.  At this exact time.  It's the stillness that i often avoid.  We are part of a culture that praises the going.  The doing.  MORE is better.  More!  More!  More!  Keep going.  What if standing still in the midst of the noise is more brave than the going.  More brave than the doing.   

(I hope that it goes without saying that I'm not saying always stay--always stay in that unhealthy relationship or that job that uses none of your talents, abilities, or gifts.  I'm just saying that sometimes, the answer is stay.  Sometimes it's the harder thing.) 

I find myself in an interesting season of life.  The restless seeps in through the cracks and makes me want to run in every direction.  Escape.  Go.  Change.  Leave.  Numb.  Sometimes i channel the restless into healthy things.  Road trips.  Discovering new places.  Trying something new.  But allow me to be real with you---sometimes i channel it in less healthy ways.  

To me, real courage is sitting still through the discomfort of not knowing the future and choosing to trust God.  Trust that this is the place for me right now.  He know's what He's doing.  

Everything is as it should be.  

Without the restless heart, i wouldn't know my desperation for resting in God.  That's the only place i get true rest.  That's the only place my soul knows real peace.  It's the only place where i remember that it's not up to me.