My Sister Prayed...

She certainly did pray. During my dark hour. (One of them). She heard the word miracle. For me. She believed the Lord told her He was going to do a miracle in my life. It's a strange thing to see the magnitude of such words. And yet, at the same time, to feel nothing. That's where i've been. That's where depression takes you. It takes you to the loneliest pit where you can't imagine life outside the pit. You cannot imagine the miracle. You cannot imagine better.

So that's where i've been. And i believe my sister heard correctly. I only halfway believed that a miracle might come my way. But now i believe a miracle did happen over the weekend. Maybe a few miracles. Here's what happened...

I found myself playing with fire once again last thursday. Ugh. That carried over into friday. Friday night, by the grace of God, i fell asleep around 7PM. Fully dressed in the day's clothes. Slept for so many hours. Deeply. Sound sleep. I awoke Saturday morning in a bit of a daze. My body hadn't known such rest in months. Months.

My father insisted on coming up for lunch saturday. I think, truth be told, he was simply worried about his daughter and wanted to make sure that i was alright. I told him he didn't need to come....that i didn't have much to say. He came anyway.

We spoke about surface things. It was all O.K. Then he said: "We haven't even talked about you." I replied, "I don't have much to say. It's OK." I looked down at my food unsure of where this conversation was going. Then he began to speak and i looked at his face. I saw a worried dad. I saw a dad that loved his daughter. Really loved his daughter. He spoke words over me that i can hardly recall. He told me that the Lord has such an incredible plan for my life. That i have to wait on His timing. He told me how special i am. Just writing this, i feel the same lump in my throat that i felt that morning as he spoke. My guard came down. I felt the tears desperately trying to come.

Healing was trying to break through.

And he brought me soup. He brought me vegetables from his garden that he wanted me to have. He's given me much grander gifts in the past but these felt more precious than gold.

I went on about my busy day once he left. I tried not to process what had just happened. It was bigger than me. It was God, my heavenly Father, using my earthly father to speak words into my life. To tell me who i was when i'd forgotten. Oh the tears.

I awoke Sunday morning just in time to get ready for church. I went. I went in feeling like some of the sadness had lifted. I had a sweet friend come up to me during the praise and worship part of the service. She faced me. Stood over me. Put her hands on my shoulders. And prayed. I could hear none of what she was praying. But the tears came anyway. I knew they were such sweet words. Just then i got a picture of Jesus weeping over me. Sad for what i've felt on this path. But then weeping for joy that the dawn had come. Light had come. Darkness was lifting. And he whispered to my heart...."It is finished." Just then my sweet friend who was praying over me, lightly kissed my forehead. Then walked away. It is finished. I felt as though the Lord had reminded me of who i am. Once again. Reminded me that he has an amazing plan for my life. I lost sight of that. I have believed that i've deserved the crumbs from the table of life that i've settled for so many times. Over and over again.

I walked out of the service that morning. With a sense of peace. Joy i hadn't felt in a....while. A long while. And i thought of my sister. Lil. I thought about how she had cried and prayed for me. And especially how she had heard a word for me so clearly from Heaven. Miracle. I've had my mom praying for me during this season. I've had amazing friends lift their voices to Heaven on my behalf when i felt i couldn't. It's a quite special thing to have your sister pray for you. Intercede for you. I'm forever grateful.

Lil, you are an amazing woman of God. You have always been there. It's unreal to watch you now with your own children. My prayer is that those two little ones would grow up knowing how special they are and just how blessed they are that they get to call you "mom." I know how blessed i am to call you "sister." My prayer is also this...that the Lord would pour out his favor on your family. Such favor. On you. On Travis. On Lucy Mills and McClain. That He would meet every need and then some.

Thank you for praying. Love you always.