it is not uncommon for her to dream in perfect french...

Ahh, oui. :)

Today, i'm wishing that i lived in Paris. Maybe because it's Valentine's day. Maybe because i am wanting some adventure in my life. Yes, that's it. Mostly adventure, i believe. And it's a little bit funny--everywhere i go i see eiffel towers. Maybe i just haven't been noticing them until now, but i find them everywhere. Lord, is this a sign that i am to move to France? Ehhh. Don't pack your bags just yet, Sus. :) I've been to France. Years ago. And i didn't love it as much as i wanted to. So why suddenly do i find myself emailing an old college friend who now lives in Paris, asking if i can come visit?

Adventure. We all crave it, don't we?

Escape. I've talked about it before. Well i'm not exactly sure if i'm trying to escape right now. But i'm craving something more. Adventure. I have felt a spirit of apathy in my heart recently. I feel like i'm standing still. Restless. I have felt out of touch with authentic Susan. I've lost sight of her. I've wanted to run back to old behaviors. To numb any remnants of pain. So maybe i'm actually searching for both escape and adventure. Hmm. Not sure.

But i know this. Authentic Susan would not tolerate the current JUNK in her life. She would not for a second allow others to walk all over her. She would not allow others to make herself feel badly about herself. She wouldn't let others' thoughtlessness infiltrate her heart and take it so personally. She wouldn't make apologies for expressing her feelings. So, when i posted that quote yesterday that says: "examine what you tolerate" it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Examine what you tolerate. Gah. I have put up with pure crap in my life. Especially recently. Erratic behavior from others. Rude behavior. And that stops today. Today i remind myself of my worth. Today i recall who God says i am. Today i make more space for the good in my life and less space for the negative in my life. Today i choose more balance. Today i choose to stand still. To accept where i am. To rest. Because i am right where i am supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be in Paris right now. Today i choose to rest in knowing that God has a plan for my life. And that plan includes adventure. And it doesn't include becoming a really good escape artist. It includes being the best version of Susan--authentic Susan--that i can possibly be.