the chase

So. I went on a date last night. I wasn't even really sure if it was a date when i accepted. Nice guy. Probably not my husband, but nice. Fine. Good. So, why am i telling you this? Because on the way home from the date i started thinking about the whole concept of dating. The chase. I thought about the fact that there i was, sitting across from this perfectly attractive guy that was nice and a gentleman, but i didn't really feel it. The spark that you're supposed to feel. Aren't you supposed to feel some sort of spark? I could be wrong... Anyway, i realized that i was trying hard on this date. I tried to look nice...i tired to be smart and funny and make conversation look easy. But why was i doing this when there was no real spark? It occurred to me on that same drive home, that i want him to like me. It feels more like a game--this whole dating thing. I didn't feel a spark, yet i wanted him to find a spark with me. I wanted him to chase me. Still do. Does that make me sick and manipulative? ehhhh let's hope not. :) I'll be totally honest. Having a man interested in me fills a little bit of the void. It just does. So, let's take my little game/chase scenario one step further. What will really, truly fill the void? Who will always chase me? God will. Maybe i need to start chasing after Him with my whole heart. Maybe i need to start believing that He can do infinitely more in my life and in my relationships than i think He can. Maybe the chase can be beautiful... Lord, won't you come in and fill the empty and lonely spaces in my heart today. Turn my emptiness into beauty for the sake of your son. Amen.